Heart-to-Heart

I have to admit that the past week or two... and really, more like the past month or two... have brought about one wave of heartache after another.  

I was just made aware the other night of a second death in our family.  It's not only the second death, but it's the second death in which a baby has been lost during childbirth. 

The thing about losing a baby which is unique to most other deaths is the whole lead up and fanfare by which they're ushered into this world.  The birth of a baby is a highly anticipated event, not only for the mom and dad, but for everyone else who orbits their life.  

During the months in which babies are being prepared on the "inside", HUGE preparations are being made on the "outside" both emotionally and materially.    Having given birth to two children myself, I know what's involved, but more than that, as a woman, I know what transpires in the heart and mind of that Mother.    

I doubt I could ever find words adequate enough to express the love and the bond and the joy which occurred before I ever laid eyes on either of my daughters.  I doubt there's a day which goes by now that I don't look at them or talk to them and feel that same love and bond and joy.  O.K., so I'm a big softee; I'll admit that, but my point is that before the child ever exits the womb, there is an intense bond.

Not wanting to leave daddies out of the pre-birth bonding process, I'll say that I know of many an instance where the dad's voice  caused a noticeable reaction from the baby while still in the womb and that same daddy's voice was able to exert calm on the child when it was fussy...out of the womb.

Family and friends spend months gushing over ultrasound pictures (or pretending to), they buy gifts, they help prepare a special space for the baby in the home, motifs are chosen, a name is selected with great care and it seems that in direct proportion to the ever burgeoning belly, comes an ever burgeoning excitement for the Big Day!

So, when the big day finally does arrive and close family and friends take off work to join the "happy couple" at the hospital...

...the womenfolk making ready those first hospital gifts...

...the menfolk making ready the lighting of the celebratory cigars...

...but instead of a precious new life to celebrate...

a life...screaming in all its newborn splendor...

there is instead... silence and death and mourning...

...well, as an onlooker, it's difficult to know what to say or do.  The atmosphere becomes instantly thick and heavy.  Emotions run the gamut and intuitively you know that this is going to be a very long process of healing and recovery.

On the other end of the life cycle, I've got two older family members who are both hanging by a thread with brain cancer.    Yesterday I got a scare because my brother called to tell me that one of those family members passed away in the morning.   I left the house immediately to gather with my loved ones... only to find out that my brother had sort of jumped the gun.    He'd gotten news from a weeping family member and the whole conversation was misconstrued to the point where he thought there was a death. 

It was an emotional morning,  to say the least, and we were all overjoyed to find out that the inevitable had been delayed slightly longer.  I was especially overjoyed, as there are things I'd like to say to this person and now I've got my chance before they really do pass away and I'm left with nothing but regret.

So, my dear friends, the Christmas Season 'round these parts has been one which has put life in stark perspective and all of these things swirling around me have been quite a distraction.    It's sort of difficult to inspire oneself to think smouldering and sultry thoughts when oneself is being called out to weep for the death of a family member who isn't dead at all.  lol. 

Thanks for standing by.    

and I quote.....

"I like my clothes to be tight enough to show I'm a woman... but loose enough to show I'm a lady."
MAE WEST

Post-Divorce Era Dating, Part 2 (cont'd)

the blind date continued....


I have to admit, that from across the parking lot, the guy looked alright.   He was driving this incredibly large, incredibly awesome pickup truck.  Extended cab, extended bed, blacked out windows.  I'm not "into" pickup trucks, but this guy was a building contractor and so his choice of vehicle made perfect sense.  Besides, I tend not to make assessments nor to be impressed with a man's "ride", but it did give off  the impression that he had his act together.     


Before I proceed...let me revisit the whole idea of hearing this guys voice and the fact that he was obviously a heavy smoker because it was my first sign that I should have just bolted.   I can't stress how bad it was.  He sounded like he might cough up multiple hair balls at any moment.  It's the sort of voice that engages that sympathetic clearing of your throat reflex.   I'm real bad that way, if someone has allergies and their nose tickles, my nose tickles.  If they have a coughing fit, then I'm right there with them...clearing my throat in solidarity.   I just wasn't looking forward to a date with a guy who would only be thinking about when he could escape for his next smoke.  Was I being absurd thinking this way?  Stay tuned and find out....


As much as I was kicking myself for going out on a blind date, I went ahead and planned an alternate location with the Marlboro Man.  I couldn't bring myself to ditch him there in the parking lot.  I knew he was a nice guy from our email conversations, but I was seeing all the signs that this whole night was going to be a bust.  Did I talk myself into hating it ahead of time?   Of course I did!!!   One of the greatest things about being single again is the freedom to do what you want and when you want.   I felt no freedom at that moment.  I felt locked in and bound to my sense of propriety and social etiquette.   (damn sense of propriety!  damn you social etiquette! I hate you both!...lol....)


Remember how that I mentioned earlier in this story that I didn't want to go to dinner?  Guess what?  He suggested a steak house and I found myself driving to spend dinner at a restaurant with a guy I already determined I wasn't going to enjoy spending the night with.  And, fun fact:   my intuitions may not always be right, but I do enjoy a high success rate.  My intuition was telling me to just turn around, pick up a 3-count chicken strips meal from the Chik-fil-A drive thru and go home, put on my jammies, pop in a good movie...and call it a night.  


No such thing occurred.


Instead, I pulled into the parking lot, saw him get out of his truck (he still didn't know what I was driving or that I was there...spying), and I COULD NOT believe HOW SHORT he was.  Judging from a distance I put him at 5'4".   I remember dropping my head to the steering wheel in distress and beeping the horn, which then gave me away.   He stood on the front steps of the restaurant, "smoking" a cigarette and he turned in my direction when I beeped.    Damn horn!! lol.


So, here I was...face to face with the moment of truth.  I went to open the door and my feet felt heavy, like they were blocks of cement.   It reminded me of all the times as a young girl that I had to go places against my will.  I had to go because my mother "said so".   One of those places I hated going was to get my hair cut.  I always wanted to grow my hair long and my mom always wanted me to keep it short...especially in the Summer because I swam competitively.   We would pull up in front of The Hair Barn in New Jersey and I would exit our 1972 pale yellow, Country Squire Station Wagon with trendy fake wood siding, with feet that felt heavy....like they were blocks of cement.     And here I was in the year 2010 having the same experience.  It felt just as awful as it did when I was a young girl.


O.K., from this story, you might gather that I'm really, really picky.....well, maybe so....but really, who among you isn't picky when it comes to dating?    You want what you want what you want.   I wanted what I wanted what I wanted.   And what I wanted at that moment was to rewind the tape and go back to the day that I accepted a blind date so I could smack myself into reason because as I walked up to the front of the restaurant and surveyed him further, I saw that he had a mustache.   No big deal.  I've dated guys with mustaches before.  Hell, I'm from the Northeast and I think it was a law back in the 80s that all Italian men were to have a mustache (fun fact...law or not...a ton of Italian women had mustaches too!!)...so I dated men with "stashes", but nowadays if you sport a mustache or a goatee, etc, you groom it.  You thin it out. It's not the 70's dudes!!!   Unless you're like a mountain man and you don't really give a flying leap about style and fashion and you just let it grow wild and untamed...then you groom it.   And Hey, mountain man... good luck with that!!!


We made our introductions and went in to sit down.   Not only was this guy like 5'4", but I'm 5'6" and I was wearing platform shoes, as I am wont to do...which probably put me at around the 5'7" mark...thereby making me about three inches taller than this guy.   Yes, let's be seated....quick...!!


He was a very nice mellow guy.  He hailed from Jersey, as do I and so we had a lot in common to talk about, but I couldn't concentrate on what he was saying because I couldn't get past his nervous mannerisms.    To begin with, he was four or five years younger than me, but he looked older...number one, because of the mustache, which naturally ages, and number two, because of the effects the years of smoking had on his appearance.     As he talked, his hands were constantly moving about.   First he would part his bushy, untrimmed "stash", then he would straighten the collar on his shirt, then he would fiddle with his silverware, then he would straighten his napkin, then he would touch his mustache again, then he would fix his sleeves and then...as dinner was winding down (not soon enough in my book)...he did something which totally grossed me out and I made the move to pay and excuse myself.    All the while that he's talking; he takes his finger and digs in his right ear.....like he's prospecting for gold....and he pulls out his "find".....he looks at it.....and he then wipes it on his shirt.....and then parts his mustache and then puts his finger to his mouth.  


I could tell that he had no idea what he just did and I'm not sure that what I was feeling on the inside registered on my face...because if it did, he didn't show any signs of picking up on it.  I figured it was probably because ever since we sat down he had only a few words going on in his brain ......."I need a cigarette"....."cigarette....cigarette...cigarette....gotta have a cigarette....".   


We got up to leave and he picked up a few mints on the way out and a toothpick.  That's sort of the thing down here.....you prove how "hick" you are by talking with a toothpick in your mouth.    So, the guy starts digging in his teeth while we are out on the front steps saying our goodbyes.  He then offers to walk me to my car, and I noticed out of the corner of my eye that he popped in a mint and ditched the "pick".   He seemed to be gearing up for a goodnight kiss, but I dodged that bullet by getting into my van.......sitting down....saying a quick thank you and goodbye and closing the door and peeling out.   I did notice in my rear view mirror that he lit up a cigarette the moment I pulled away.   I never saw him again. 

 Moral of this story:


Don't do blind dates unless you know someone who knows the other person and you trust that person's judgement with your whole heart and and whole soul....otherwise, you too might find yourself watching a grown man (or woman) pick crud out of their ear and wipe it on their shirt in total clueless fashion.












 

and I quote.....

"A nymphomaniac is a women as obsessed with sex as the average man."
Mignon McLaughlin

Subjects Which Were Once Taboo, Part III

A continuation. If you didn't read parts I and II...probably no big deal, but it might help to put this in context.


As to the knowledge I received when I visited Priscilla's for the first time (and yes, I'm a regular customer now):


Well...


Like most women.... I never could grasp the idea of why men seemed to "have" to watch porn on videos or to read porn in magazines.   I never got turned on just looking at some random half-naked guy in a magazine and any porn that I had seen, in my 20's...well, it just made me laugh.  I found it sort of goofy and corny and predictable and on the campy side.   My way of thinking was that if a man had to watch porn to pleasure himself, then the woman and/or women  in that man's life was/were doing something wrong.    I found out, that just isn't the case, and my mind has been definitely changed to see the value which some porn provides to men and women alike.


During that first visit; I gained a vast amount of information concerning various and sundry sex toys.   Here too was another area where I had never fully explored what was available and neither did I know how to incorporate it into my life. No relationship, I don't care  how healthy it is...can grow deeper by travelling on the same plane...because after a while the journey on that straight plane becomes a little on the boring and predictable side...something akin to a flat lined electrocardiogram.  The "patient" needs an injection of adrenaline or a defibrillator...chest compressions....something...anything......!!!!!


To keep a relationship from flat lining...something has to change and at Priscilla's there are shelves stocked with "change"....lol.  


The dialogue has definitely changed and these subjects which were once taboo are now mainstream topics of conversation.  Women are having Tupperware-style parties only now they are selling Sexual Relationship Enhancing products.    That woman in line with the three screaming kids in front of you at the grocery store....yeah her.....she's could be one of the many women who is going home tonight and once the kiddies are fed and in bed.....she will host a party with her gaggle of friends and they are going to squawk and cackle and giggle all night over these fun products which have changed their whole way of life.  They are happier and healthier and they nag less and they have sex more! It's a win-win!!! 


to be continued......

Double Duty

Before I continue with the Taboo Subjects; I have to touch on this one. 


A few days ago, I was watching a video on YouTube, but before the video launched, there was
a commercial and I wish I could remember the name of the organization which sponsored it, but I just can't.   While I was trying to locate it again, I came across this ad from Brazil from last year.  


The whole idea...and it's not just in Brazil...is this worldwide campaign to save water.   To conserve.  And everyone is asked to eliminate the flushing of their commode at least one time everyday.  Their solution?  Pee in the Shower!


We could go round and round on this one...as to whether or not it's a good idea... but I will state for the record, that I won't be conserving water by urinating in the shower.     I think I've come up with a better solution to save water each day.   Or at least every so often.   Actually, the more often, the better.


Eat Dessert Once A Day In A Sexual Way!


I'm not advocating getting fat by eating sweets everyday....although everything in moderation keeps one from binging...but let's just call it a Sweet Treat, as it can take on many forms.  That's the beauty of it.   My way of conserving water has options and employs variety and has only positive repercussions. 


The idea is not to use dishes or utensils when you have your dessert.  This saves water because you won't be adding those items to your already full dishwasher and neither will you be washing them by hand...ergo...less water used.


The Concept:  


You and your partner make a pledge that you'll have a Sweet Treat with one another once a day...or at least a few times a week...and....  


...instead of plates and forks and spoons....


...your bodies become the dessert delivery platform and your fingers, hands, feet, mouth, tongue...become the utensils.


This is a solid idea.  Nothing but good can come of it.   It promotes a provocative fun in a relationship.  The provocative fun will then bring about a deeper connection or bond.  The provocative fun bond will also bring about those good feeling hormones which are released when two people are intimate with one another.   It's a total win-win!!!    And, the best benefit of all....water is conserved in the process. 


I know you're probably looking for holes to poke in my idea, but I think I've looked at this from every angle. (no pun or double entendre intended)   One might say that more water will be used because the two people will have to take a shower.   Well, wouldn't you be taking a shower or washing up after being intimate with one another anyway?  (please answer yes)   So, then, shower together..........omg.....another win-win.  This just keeps getting better and better the more we talk this out together!


This idea can be as simple as holding a piece of cake or some cookies on a napkin and feeding one another.  See?........easy.   


It can be as elaborate as building a layered dessert and then consuming it....being careful to leave no morsel behind (again, no pun intended or double entendre).   


It can be as easy as drizzling some homemade caramel sauce on one another or if you want to really take the experience to a new level....employ the use of a government approved aphrodisiac (no such thing.  employing a little sarcasm/irony)...and get double the benefit.   I receive a newsletter each week which highlights a different aphrodisiac.  The one I got yesterday suggested Maple Syrup.    Am I saying I believe in the idea of foods having aphrodisiac properties or qualities?  Well,  honestly don't know... but I do know is that the power of suggestion is a powerful tool.  So, use it!   Whip out the maple syrup....and if you believe it will heighten your sexual senses...then very likely....it will!!!


Spray on the whipped topping...


Slather on the custard or pudding or yogurt (if you're into healthy living or want to keep a smooth running digestive tract)


Dip in chocolate and roll in nuts.....


Construct a banana split................


Just do it......!!!!


And while you're enjoying the experience, also enjoy knowing that you've kept a gallon or two of water from being wasted and abused.


Ironic side note:   When I finished writing this, I went in to take a shower.  As soon as that hot water hit me, guess what?  I had an intense urge to "go".   But, as I'm an adult; I waited till I finished showering.....I "went".....and then....I flushed!


A Poked Hole Side note:   O.K., I found a hole.   What to do if you don't have a significant other to share dessert with?   I guess now is as good a time as any to go out there and find one.  Another win-win!

Boil Water Much?

I've always prided myself on my multi-tasking abilities.   I'm typically involved in several things at a time, unless  I'm on the phone or engaged in a conversation.   Then, that person has my full out attention.  


Well, I guess the hour has come when I need to apply that sort of laser beam focus to other areas of my life.    Earlier today, I put a pot of water on the stove to boil, as I was doing some early dinner prep.   I went back to the computer to work, and I was also doing some laundry.   Some time had passed....and I'm not sure how much time exactly....I guess as long as it takes to melt a metal pot....cause that's what I did.  Check it out:




Taken w/my stupid phone camera, so the quality is poor...  but the inside of the bottom of the pan was heated to the point of liquification. 
See Below

 



When I picked up the pan from the burner, this dripped onto the stove top.  My daughter is keeping these to remind me not to leave the pot on the stove and then walk away...as I'm always preaching to her the same message!  Love when my words come back to haunt me.  It's precious!