and I quote......

"There are two ways to reach me: by way of kisses or by way of the imagination. But there is a hierarchy: the kisses alone don't work."
— Anaïs Nin

More Than a Tourist, Part # 1

"Our life is composed greatly from dreams, from the unconscious, and they must be brought into connection with action. They must be woven together."

 "I will not be just a tourist in the world of images, just watching images passing by which I cannot live in, make love to, possess as permanent sources of joy and ecstasy."

ANAIS NIN

It's very easy to re-gift, re-package, re-Tweet or re-gurgitate what others have already said, but there's no excitement or inspiration in that.   I love these quotes from Anais Nin, but they are her observations and not my own.   In reading what she's expressed...the words have opened a wellspring of thoughts for me as I've applied them to various areas of my life.  


Today in particular, I've found these thoughts to be very relevant when assessing myself as a 40-something year old woman living in a post divorce world...trying to make heads or tails out of what the hell I want from it (PDW) and what the hell I want to give to it (PDW).


You're going to find, as we get acquainted, that I have very strong opinions and feelings about men and women and how we interact with one another sensually and about the whole idea of marriage and what I consider to be the deleterious effects thereof.   And as I'm such a nice person, I'll warn you ahead of time that I'm confident enough in my beliefs and in my experiences so that I'm not afraid to wield them to make some very bold statements.  Statements which might set me at odds with my own gender and which I'm quite happy to do......if it will help????


Slavery to a Pattern


"I will not be a tourist in the world of images..."

O.K, here's where I'm at.....


I'm on the sick and tired side of living life in any sort of mundane or predictable fashion.  Society seems to dictate the ever-evolving norms that we're to live by and quite frankly I'd like to tell society what it can do with it's norms.
 

I've no desire to be that "tourist" which Anais speaks of....walking and gawking at what others have created and presented for viewing.  I want to "be" the attraction.   Not like one of P.T. Barnum's side show freaks, but rather a woman who is living her life in such a way so that it's painfully obvious to those viewing it that I'm weaving my dreams and fantasies into the fibers of every moment.  That's a tall order.  It sounds like a tall order as I write this; I won't lie to you.  What's the alternative though? Sitting on my biscuit?  Never willing to risk it?

So, let's be real and honest.  Let's be real honest.
 

I don't have the statistics in front of me, but I would venture to guess that a decent part of the day for most adults is spent thinking about sex or their sensuality or some derivative thereof.  I don't think I need to belabor the point as most music, movies, TV shows, websites, magazines, books, adult store sales, advertising, conversations and private thoughts prove me out.


It's my contention that we find ourselves thinking about it and fantasizing about it so often because we don't get enough of it!!  I'm a genius, aren't I?  It should be that one area of our lives that is fun and spontaneous and even daring at times, and yet, it seems it's the one place where monotony likes to settle in and make itself a little nest where it hatches "little monotonies"...and the monotonous beat goes on.


Having said all that, you're probably wondering how I intend to be a spectacle without being a freak....so as to be more than a tourist...


Good question. 


I'm not sure.  I'm working that out as we speak, but I know this:   it will involve making a conscious effort to incorporate more sensuality into my life and to seek out those who are also seeking a more thrilling day-to-day existence.   I'm going to lengthen the leash on my sexuality and see what kind of trouble it can get in.   Making love to the images passing me by...and making them permanent sources of joy and ecstasy.


Obviously though, working towards my PinUp Photo Session in April is a great start in the move away from monotony.  


In my next post, I'll tell you about another iron I'm preparing for the fire.

to be continued...

"IF" Question # 1

Not long ago, I came across a book on a clearance rack at my local Barnes and Noble for a buck...so I bought it.   I skimmed over it and placed it on a shelf.  Life got insanely busy after that and I never paid it any attention...until last night.   


It'd just gotten home from Christmas Eve at my Mom's house. I'd just gotten done taking a shower and making a pot of coffee.  I'd just gotten done talking to my daughter before she trooped off to bed. 


I just sat there...


staring at my Christmas tree...


nothing else illuminated...


I love that.   It's cozy. 


I decided to grab a book and read till I felt drowsy. 


The book I grabbed happened to be the one I skimmed all those many months ago.  The title of it is If...(Questions for the Game of Life)


I actually don't like the book all that much.  It's a compilation of "If" questions meant to spark the imagination and conversation.   A lot of the "ifs" are goofy and some are downright odd and I wonder about the folks from whose minds they originated...having said that;  I like the concept.  I sort of picture a Dinner Party where questions which are normally taboo at the table are open for discussion.  Lively discussion... using the questions from the book as the impetus for debate.


I hail from a family who eagerly speak their mind and who eagerly offer up their opinions on a broad range of subjects.   This can be good or bad, depending on the time and place, but last night...it seemed to be good.    There were several dinner guests who lingered at the table after dessert and who engaged one another in everything from politics to religion to sports to cars to doctors to how to raise children to.....you name it!  And because it wasn't a run of the mill after dinner chat; the circle of participants began to widen over time until all but the children were drawn in.  


The topic of sex was not broached last night as that is usually reserved for non-coed gatherings.  And really, during our family get togethers it has never been deemed an appropriate subject.


This blog is not a family gathering (thankfully) and I deem the subject of sex to be highly appropriate (with limitations of course) and so I'd like to use questions from the book to stimulate blog topics from time to time.   That's not to say that all of the questions will be sexual in nature, but some will surely be.


First question:


"IF...you could have changed one thing about your first sexual experience, what would it be?"


My Answer:  I would have changed my age, for sure.  I was 18 and had been going with this guy for a while.   I didn't want to "do it" and he was putting the pressure on big time (driven with a whip by his hormones, I'm sure!) He was a little older than me and  I was not ready for what would happen to me emotionally after that encounter.  I don't think I could have been prepared.   Actually, each sexual experience brings with it a unique set of emotional dynamics, but the "first...is the wirst".  lol. 


At that time, I was of the mind that to have sex with a guy meant you were very serious and to be very serious meant you were in love and to be in love meant a future together.  


I found out that having sex was the worst thing I could have done (especially in the back of his '68 Cougar)   It ruined everything!    Even though it brought the two of us closer together; it also brought in a lot of seriousness which neither of us really wanted, or for that matter, needed.  So, it brought us closer together while simultaneously pulling us further apart.


On a more positive note and if you've read where I wrote about tampons...then you'll understand when I say that after having sex for the first time, I was finally able to insert the damn things! 












 

Some Friendly Advice About Online Dating, Part 1

Oh man, I don't even know where to begin on this subject.  It's a wide open field, but let me start by saying:  "Dudes, what the hell?"...


"What the hell what?"  you ask?  What the hell this: 


...if you ever want to really connect with a woman; you have to take a few tips from one.......namely, moi. 


I think I'm going to narrow my field even further, by speaking specifically to men who are 45 and older, as I've noticed some strangely similar personality quirks across the board in men this age who sign up for online dating and pen pal sites.    And these quirks of yours have to stop.  They have to be vanquished... Now!


I say this in all candor and so...


Let's cover a few things real quick.  And let's hope these few things can be of real quick help to you.  Remember, a friend is someone who knows the truth and doesn't keep it from you. I'm that friend.   I've had to learn these things the hard way and hope you can benefit from my "findings".   


That being said:


1.  Your "handle" sucks Good Buddy! 


O.K., CB radio-style handles went out with the 70s. I know.  I was there.    I can see that you're trying to be honest about who you are by picking that goofy grandpa-style user name, which you think is quaint and "neat", but really it just makes women roll their eyes.  In a word, it sucks.  I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt that you've a perfectly good reason for the one you've chosen, but whatever the reason...the one you've chosen just makes you sound OLD!  Ditch it.  Put it out with the trash.


The bad thing about appearing old online is the fact that you've only got a short time...a few seconds... to attract attention to yourself in a positive way.  It's usually a quick glance of your picture and so the right user name is part of that initial hook.   


Let's be real here...You've already got so much working against you....gravity, the ever-ticking clock, gray hair, no hair,  belly flab, competition with much younger guys, being out of practice when it comes to woo-ing members of the opposite sex....


...and so when you attach yourself to a moniker such as..."rustybucket"  or  "swineman" (because you raise pigs) or "krankyoldman" or  "grandpaBill" or  "gummingmyfood" when you're over 50  (or any age for that matter)...it's just not gonna cut it.  The hard and cruel facts are that we are all out there searching...each of us sporting our own dating game handicap and we need all the help we can get and the best place to start is in an alluring profile name.   


You may say, "I'm not out there looking to date.  I just want to make friends online".   Doesn't matter. (and I'm not sure I believe you anyway)  If you were standing here in front of me, I'd throw some cold water in your face or slap you to wake you from your ignorant stupor.   The reality is; we care about this stuff even if all we are looking for is someone to chat it up with online.    It's just an undeniable truth.  Don't fight it.  Work with it!


Now I could go real "fatal" on you and defeatist and figure that if you're not wise enough to pick a better name  then it's really too late to teach that dog how to hunt... how to pick up the scent and track down his prey.    Might just be better off hanging out at the local V.F.W. throwing back some 50 cent Suds with your old war buddies cause it would seem the online realm doesn't suit you.


Hey, I'm 48, but I'm not looking to hang out on the front porch rocking back and forth with Grandpa.  If I want that, I'll go walk next door and hang out with my dad for a couple of hours and we can talk about how great life is now compared to when he was a punk kid back in the 50s.    


In a way, I think we are all looking to have the virtual air around us sizzle with a little bit of sexual tension and excitement ...a little bit of spontaneous, flirtatious banter.  Let's face it...it's fun!  and...it makes us feel good.  Gets those good "feel good" hormones pumping through our bodies!!


And here's one for the younger guys.  Those under 30:   please stop walking around with a chip on your shoulder ready to be offended at the slightest perceived injustice.  And I use the word perceived advisedly.    This is where you guys can probably learn something from the older men.   They are way more laid back in their approach and far less "in your face" and cocky.  


Having said that, in true feminine fickle fashion, I have to admit that the cockiness....the strutting around like a rooster in the hen house,  can be an alluring quality, but not when it's all show and no go, then it's just obnoxious.  


Overall though, the best thing to do, as I've had to learn...is to approach the whole process with lighthearted and humorous receptors and just be yourself. 


Be yourself, but be mindful that you have to use the correct bait if you're going to lay your hook into something worthy of being reeled in.   Humor is a great way "in" and a great way to stay "in" and one of the best flirting devices of all time. 


So, a great user name and be yourself and spice the whole mix with some humor.......that's a start.


Next time, let's talk about the pictures we post.


to be continued...

Lady Godiva Revisited

The other day I saw an ad online for Lady Godiva Chocolate.   When I lived in Pittsburgh, there used to be a Lady Godiva Chocolatier at the local Mall and even though I've never been big into chocolate (I prefer a great cheese, salami and fresh bread myself).. it was spectacular to inhale deeply whenever I walked by the store.  


I noticed the Lady Godiva logo and realized there must be a story there.  A story which I was not familiar with.  A story which must, at the very least, be quite interesting...as it's a woman with long flowing hair..riding a horse...naked!


When I was younger, I remember lazying around on the couch one Saturday afternoon.   Saturday mornings were cleaning day at our house and I was more or less done for the day and had switched on the TV to watch some cartoons.  My mom came walking through the Family Room and saw me "not doing anything" and asked me:  "Who do you think you are?  Lady Godiva?  Get up and do something".   As a result, I was always under the impression that Lady Godiva was some filthy rich woman who had nothing better to do all day than lie around and have people wait on her hand and foot. 


My mom used the Lady Godiva expression a lot.   If I was sitting at the kitchen table, and asked someone who was "up" already to grab me an extra fork from the drawer or a jar of mustard from the fridge....my mom's response would be..."Who do you think you are?  Lady Godiva?  Get up and get it yourself".   


So, somehow, in the early 70's,  Lady Godiva moved from naked political activist to lazy woman who laid about and did nothing. 


I checked a variety of sources on the story of Lady Godiva.   It's a legend that took place in Coventry, England and each version has a slightly different take or spin.  


The gist of it is this:


Lady Godiva was a real person.  She was a noblewoman who lived during the late 11th Century and was married to the Earl of Mercia...Leofic.  He ruled England under the Danish King Canute.


We'll skip over all of the messy minutia and focus only on the fact that there seems to have been some sort of oppressive tax or tribute enacted by Leofic.  These were monies paid by the English to the invading Scandinavians and were called, the Heregeld.


Lady Godiva did not like this hefty tax placed upon the backs of the already struggling peasantry and so in the midst of a "discussion" with her husband, the Earl, he tells her he will repeal the tax if she will ride buck naked...on horseback (ouch!) through the main drag of Coventry on Market Day.  Nothing would be covering her 'cept for her long, flowing locks. 


Later versions of the story have Lady Godiva sending out an edict before her ride alerting the townspeople to close their shutters while she passes by.   One naughty man, Tom, looked anyway...and hence the legend of Peeping Tom was born.


Lady Godiva rode through the streets and the tax was eliminated.  Her husband did not think she'd take him up on his wager as she was known as being a very religious and pious woman.    Hatred of taxes which oppress have driven some people to incredible lengths to see them repealed....lengths which seem to go against their personality and character.   Such was the case with Lady Godiva.


Wouldn't that be great if that's all we had to do now?  Ride through the streets "...nekkid as a jay bird..." (to quote the Streak)...and get some intrusive law or tax repealed?   I'm game!  Why not?  Life's too short to not get in on a little tax-repealing-naked-horse-riding".  I sure like the idea better than running a 5 or 10k race to support a good cause...don't you?  *wink* *wink*


While pondering this idea the other day, I wondered if anyone would care or notice a woman or a group of women riding naked through the streets of a major city.    The naked female form is now everywhere.   There's a glut of nakedness on the market.  A glut of websites and magazines and strip clubs where men can go to have their visual needs met.  Why should they stand outside while some bouncing babes cantor by?  Yup...it's a rhetorical question.


Would it really be so daring a move in the 21st Century to take to the saddle..."birthday suited up"? (thanks Barney).  I suppose nowadays the ante would have to be upped and we would have to ride en masse to get any sort of positive exposure (pun intended...ya'll are welcome!)  Maybe instead of one of those boring and generic Million Man Marches on Washington D.C., we can do A Billion Bare Naked Bouncing Babes Ride Horseback on D.C. for the repeal of one of the many (take your pick) onerous taxes churned out and exacted upon us by a House and Senate which more and more resemble not an elected group of representatives, but an elected group of greedy goons who tell us we need to tighten our belts while they buy themselves bigger pants to fit their ever burgeoning waistlines......(and she finally exhales).


Am I ranting?   ha...guess I am.   I'll stop now.


And even if the Billion Babe Ride doesn't bring in the desired results, all is not lost.   Some of us babes  might at least get some phone numbers or email addresses from some eligible bachelors...who will have already seen us naked in the light and so all of that awkward first-time-seeing-me-naked-crap...will be stripped away (two totally off the cuff naked puns in a row...the girl's got her mojo on today).  It's a win-win.  


We'll wait till Summer though, o.k.?   I'll just have to cross my fingers that there will still be onerous taxes and eligible bachelors to "ride" for (pun also intended...hey, when you've got it, you've got it!) come June (April, here in the South).


One more Godiva fact that I found in my research.  Did you know that Dr. Seuss (one of my very favorite authors) wrote a book back in 1939...(when he was writing for adults)...entitled:  Seven Lady Godivas:  The True Facts Concerning History's Barest Family.  It bombed out and if you put it in its historical context, one can probably find a myriad of reasons why it failed.  It was then reprinted in 1987.  I guess it was an attempt at adult writing and he considered it a great failure, but of course now the book is a curiosity for those of us who grew up cutting our teeth on Seuss and in turn raised our children on the writings of the good Dr.


I had to go to eBay and score myself a copy of the book.  I got one for less than $5.00 w/free shipping.   Not too shabby.  It's a 1987 model cause there's no way in hell I'm going to buy a 1939 First Edition...not with gas at $2.70-something a gallon!!! 


For those of you who've been following the blog, you know that each month I post a pose.    These poses will become the ones I will use when I take my Pinup pictures next April and those will then be assembled into a calendar.  I like the painting of Lady Godiva which I've posted above.   I have no idea where I'm going to get a horse or even a fake one for that matter, but I don't care, I want to recreate that pose of this pious woman who unleashes her inner wild side...for a good cause.

Heart-to-Heart

I have to admit that the past week or two... and really, more like the past month or two... have brought about one wave of heartache after another.  

I was just made aware the other night of a second death in our family.  It's not only the second death, but it's the second death in which a baby has been lost during childbirth. 

The thing about losing a baby which is unique to most other deaths is the whole lead up and fanfare by which they're ushered into this world.  The birth of a baby is a highly anticipated event, not only for the mom and dad, but for everyone else who orbits their life.  

During the months in which babies are being prepared on the "inside", HUGE preparations are being made on the "outside" both emotionally and materially.    Having given birth to two children myself, I know what's involved, but more than that, as a woman, I know what transpires in the heart and mind of that Mother.    

I doubt I could ever find words adequate enough to express the love and the bond and the joy which occurred before I ever laid eyes on either of my daughters.  I doubt there's a day which goes by now that I don't look at them or talk to them and feel that same love and bond and joy.  O.K., so I'm a big softee; I'll admit that, but my point is that before the child ever exits the womb, there is an intense bond.

Not wanting to leave daddies out of the pre-birth bonding process, I'll say that I know of many an instance where the dad's voice  caused a noticeable reaction from the baby while still in the womb and that same daddy's voice was able to exert calm on the child when it was fussy...out of the womb.

Family and friends spend months gushing over ultrasound pictures (or pretending to), they buy gifts, they help prepare a special space for the baby in the home, motifs are chosen, a name is selected with great care and it seems that in direct proportion to the ever burgeoning belly, comes an ever burgeoning excitement for the Big Day!

So, when the big day finally does arrive and close family and friends take off work to join the "happy couple" at the hospital...

...the womenfolk making ready those first hospital gifts...

...the menfolk making ready the lighting of the celebratory cigars...

...but instead of a precious new life to celebrate...

a life...screaming in all its newborn splendor...

there is instead... silence and death and mourning...

...well, as an onlooker, it's difficult to know what to say or do.  The atmosphere becomes instantly thick and heavy.  Emotions run the gamut and intuitively you know that this is going to be a very long process of healing and recovery.

On the other end of the life cycle, I've got two older family members who are both hanging by a thread with brain cancer.    Yesterday I got a scare because my brother called to tell me that one of those family members passed away in the morning.   I left the house immediately to gather with my loved ones... only to find out that my brother had sort of jumped the gun.    He'd gotten news from a weeping family member and the whole conversation was misconstrued to the point where he thought there was a death. 

It was an emotional morning,  to say the least, and we were all overjoyed to find out that the inevitable had been delayed slightly longer.  I was especially overjoyed, as there are things I'd like to say to this person and now I've got my chance before they really do pass away and I'm left with nothing but regret.

So, my dear friends, the Christmas Season 'round these parts has been one which has put life in stark perspective and all of these things swirling around me have been quite a distraction.    It's sort of difficult to inspire oneself to think smouldering and sultry thoughts when oneself is being called out to weep for the death of a family member who isn't dead at all.  lol. 

Thanks for standing by.    

and I quote.....

"I like my clothes to be tight enough to show I'm a woman... but loose enough to show I'm a lady."
MAE WEST