Wednesday, December 29, 2010

More Than a Tourist, Part # 1

"Our life is composed greatly from dreams, from the unconscious, and they must be brought into connection with action. They must be woven together."

 "I will not be just a tourist in the world of images, just watching images passing by which I cannot live in, make love to, possess as permanent sources of joy and ecstasy."


It's very easy to re-gift, re-package, re-Tweet or re-gurgitate what others have already said, but there's no excitement or inspiration in that.   I love these quotes from Anais Nin, but they are her observations and not my own.   In reading what she's expressed...the words have opened a wellspring of thoughts for me as I've applied them to various areas of my life.  

Today in particular, I've found these thoughts to be very relevant when assessing myself as a 40-something year old woman living in a post divorce world...trying to make heads or tails out of what the hell I want from it (PDW) and what the hell I want to give to it (PDW).

You're going to find, as we get acquainted, that I have very strong opinions and feelings about men and women and how we interact with one another sensually and about the whole idea of marriage and what I consider to be the deleterious effects thereof.   And as I'm such a nice person, I'll warn you ahead of time that I'm confident enough in my beliefs and in my experiences so that I'm not afraid to wield them to make some very bold statements.  Statements which might set me at odds with my own gender and which I'm quite happy to do......if it will help????

Slavery to a Pattern

"I will not be a tourist in the world of images..."

O.K, here's where I'm at.....

I'm on the sick and tired side of living life in any sort of mundane or predictable fashion.  Society seems to dictate the ever-evolving norms that we're to live by and quite frankly I'd like to tell society what it can do with it's norms.
I've no desire to be that "tourist" which Anais speaks of....walking and gawking at what others have created and presented for viewing.  I want to "be" the attraction.   Not like one of P.T. Barnum's side show freaks, but rather a woman who is living her life in such a way so that it's painfully obvious to those viewing it that I'm weaving my dreams and fantasies into the fibers of every moment.  That's a tall order.  It sounds like a tall order as I write this; I won't lie to you.  What's the alternative though? Sitting on my biscuit?  Never willing to risk it?
So, let's be real and honest.  Let's be real honest.
I don't have the statistics in front of me, but I would venture to guess that a decent part of the day for most adults is spent thinking about sex or their sensuality or some derivative thereof.  I don't think I need to belabor the point as most music, movies, TV shows, websites, magazines, books, adult store sales, advertising, conversations and private thoughts prove me out.

It's my contention that we find ourselves thinking about it and fantasizing about it so often because we don't get enough of it!!  I'm a genius, aren't I?  It should be that one area of our lives that is fun and spontaneous and even daring at times, and yet, it seems it's the one place where monotony likes to settle in and make itself a little nest where it hatches "little monotonies"...and the monotonous beat goes on.

Having said all that, you're probably wondering how I intend to be a spectacle without being a as to be more than a tourist...

Good question. 

I'm not sure.  I'm working that out as we speak, but I know this:   it will involve making a conscious effort to incorporate more sensuality into my life and to seek out those who are also seeking a more thrilling day-to-day existence.   I'm going to lengthen the leash on my sexuality and see what kind of trouble it can get in.   Making love to the images passing me by...and making them permanent sources of joy and ecstasy.

Obviously though, working towards my PinUp Photo Session in April is a great start in the move away from monotony.  

In my next post, I'll tell you about another iron I'm preparing for the fire.

to be continued...