Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Post-Divorce Era Dating I

Divorced.  So, I'm glad to be "free" and all that.   Things ended amicably...that's a plus.   The strange part was standing there after it all went down.  Just standing there.  Wondering.  Wondering..."Now what?".   

No matter how jubilant the moment may be when you realize you're single again, it's still an awkward place to be.   For my part, I was married for just over 20 years.   20 years with the same person day after day after day.    It almost takes 20 years to train a good husband.    Kidding, kidding....TOTALLY kidding.  I am not a feminist, nor do I ascribe to the idea that men are dumb bumpkins and can't make it without a woman following after them making sure they pay bills, match their socks, clean the garage, wash the car, change their underwear, floss, eat, sleep, "wipe".     In fact, I can't hit the remote on my T.V. fast enough whenever I see one of those commercials where the husband/boyfriend is cast in a subservient or condescending light. .   I despise that.   But it makes for good stereotypical humor and banter.   So, indulge me if I slip it in here and there.    All in good fun. 

It wasn't until a full year after being divorced that I decided to venture out into the world of post-divorce dating.   I wanted to feel comfortable with it and I wanted my daughters to feel comfortable with it.   Besides all that, when you're trying to grope about, making your way in a brave, new world...there really isn't time for monkey business...although, it was getting sort of old...eating my bananas all by my lonesome.   I like men.  I think they are the Galaxy's greatest invention and you'll hear me say that again and again.....and I wanted someone to talk to other than the usual cackling of the hens in the coup.    See, I can rag on my gender too.  I'm an equal opportunity harasser.

I was a little tired of being asked out on dates in person and so I went the online route.  This way I could actually learn a little bit about the person before taking the Nestea plunge (and if you get this reference then you've just dated yourself and you're my new best friend!).   That is, if the person wasn't lying about themselves on their profile or posting old photos maybe?  Nah...no one would ever do that....would they?

Contestant #1:

This guy lived a comfortable one hour away.  I say comfortable because if we did hit it off, I could be assured that we wouldn't get all clingy with one another.   Distance would dictate the relationship either ending or going at a nice, slow, steady pace.    

This guy is an Engineer.  He is my age.  He's good looking.  Not a huge requirement, but I'd be lying if I said it didn't help!!!  He wrote well, which is a big hairy deal to me.   I look for key words like mixing up "your" and "you're" and "too" and "to".....for example. I don't obsess over it...and it wouldn't be a deal breaker, but I've found in life that people who can write well or at least express themselves well through writing...no matter how quiet they may be in person...well, it's a good thing.   I like it.   It's sort of a turn on for me if a guy can express himself with pen and paper or fingers and keyboard.   It reflects a depth to their personality which is a desirable quality to me.   And I'm not talking about expressing oneself through much writing.  Sometimes, especially where men are concerned...a sentence or two can say quite a bit.   To me anyway.

Moving right along:

I talked to Engineer Guy on the phone quite a bit before we decided to meet.   We met at a Sushi place and ate Sushi and drank Japanese beer and had a great time.   He was a total gentleman and could hold his own in a conversation.   Until.........(cue Dragnet theme)...we left the restaurant.   We actually were the last to leave.  We got to talking with the waitress and bartender and stayed till closing.   It was very frigid outside.  This was January, 2010.  We'd been having a colder-than-usual Winter and so this made standing outside to say our "good-byes" almost unbearable.   Not for me.  I'm of hearty Northern stock and as a rule, go through Winters without a coat, but Mr. Engineer was having a rough time.

Engineer Dude suggested we go to his car where it was much warmer.    I begged off.  He pushed the issue.  I agreed.  We got in the car.  He turned on the heater.  He then turned on me.   He literally (nothing figurative about it)...jumped me.   He was on top of me and unbuckling his belt and pants.  He was pushing down.  I was pushing up, but he was stronger.   I opened the door and got out that way.   I was in shock.  What the hell happened?   The Japanese beer?  Tainted Sushi that poisoned his brain?   I immediately sprinted towards my van (thank you High School track!)

And I thought the guy would just sit in his car.  Buckle up and drive into the sunset (moonrise).  He did not do that.  He got out of his car and made his way towards me.   Now here's the really crazy part...if it all wasn't crazy enough already...his pants were down around his ankles and he was scooting towards me.   I had already hit my remote to unlock my doors, but as I put my hand on the handle; he called to me.   He asked me to wait.    The only reason I did was because I was genuinely concerned now.   Here was a grown man.  A professional by trade....trying to scoot across the parking lot...pants down around ankles...and he trying to lift them and keep a forward motion going.    It was so alarming that it kept me in this static state.

This guy was not the same one I spent the evening with and it was a bit scary.  I honestly didn't want him driving home like that...especially knowing he had a son waiting for him, but he was freaking me out.    I took off.   What was I going to do?  Reason with a grown man in his boxers, in the middle of a sushi restaurant parking lot?   I trow not.  

I did check with him later to be sure he got home alright.  He did.  And that, was that.  

I sat alone a good while that night reviewing the lessons I'd learned from this experience.   The most glaring lesson:   Never ever go out with that dude again!